maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
