He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
