It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
