I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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