Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she pinky promised me she was 18
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
