I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
