Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my being single is dangerous.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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