No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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