I want to walk on stilts...naked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
