just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
