He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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