I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
