also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
