I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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