I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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