i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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