Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
