winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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