Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Acid is not a monday night drug
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
