I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
