Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
