Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
