She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
