This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
