someone threw a dead crab at me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
