one two three fourrrrnication!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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