YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
