just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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