its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
