buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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