Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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