i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im six kinds of drunk right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
