Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
