I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
