I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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