In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
