Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
