I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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