i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
