we're chasing vodka with high fives
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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