your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
