she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
