marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
