drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i out mim tonsoeep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
