Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
