he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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