before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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