every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
