Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
