OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
