Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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