Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
