I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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