In the future we'll all be gay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
