My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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