just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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