I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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