he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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