We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
