i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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