You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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