Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
