Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
