Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
