There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
