Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
