Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
