She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
