why didn't you poke me back
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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