hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
