Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
