I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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