he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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