...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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