btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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